What if we had a different Minister for Immigration?

As Minister for Immigration and Border Protection, Scott Morrison has shown us he is a cruel, heartless bastard. His treatment and de-humanisation of asylum seekers elevates him to the unbridled title of nastiest politician I have seen in the 30 years I’ve been following politics.

I was musing, what if we had a different Minister for Immigration? What if clown Abbott had given the job to someone else? How would they treat asylum seekers? Here’s what I came up with.

If the job went to Christpoher Pyne, all the asylum seekers would be sent to a private school.

If it went to Peter Dutton, all asylum seekers would be taxed $6 for the visit.

If it went to Malcolm Turnbull the boats will be slowed down to 25mbs a second, but at least he’ll invest in them.

If it went to Barnaby Joyce, he’d do the right thing and attend their weddings. And bill the taxpayer of course.

If it went to Joe Hockey, he’d want to increase their numbers by 500 million.

If it went to Kevin Andrews, he’d call for a Royal Commission into their drinking habits.

If it went to Julie Bishop, she’d call them Australia’s closest allies while simultaneously insulting them.

And if it went to Tony Abbott himself, well, we all know what he’d do. Nothing.

59 comments on “What if we had a different Minister for Immigration?

  1. Let’s be fair here.

    It’s downright unAustralian to just single out Morrison.

    When you start to include Ruddock, Howard, Reith, Abbott and Andrews as complete and utter aholes, then you will have hit the jackpot or is that jackboots.

  2. .. and don’t forget Bronny “Pompador Bishop, Cory “Bestiality” Bernardi and Brough and Abetz and …good grief what a crew!
    Never before has such little talent made so much noise in so many places.

  3. @ bobrafto

    And don’t forget that Labor reintroduced offshore processing and that Rudd was such an evil a lowlife, desperate to win the last election by any means, did a deal with PNG that denied asylum seekers the opportunity of resettlement in Australia forever.

  4. Boatie numbers have declined, seems even the Indonesian Generals
    support present programme.
    Simply an Election promise being fulfilled. CW’s voted for the other mob and
    they got voted out. Majority of Australians want the Boat People Rort to stop.

  5. CW’s voted for the other mob and
    they got voted out. Majority of Australians want the Boat People Rort to stop.

    Well I’m sorry, Voyager. Despite what the majority of Australians want done to the boat people it doesn’t change what the people at CW want for them. We want them given a fair chance in life. Obviously you and the majority of Australians don’t. Are you pleased with yourself?

  6. Ahahahaha, although it’s not a laughing matter, it is so true and so ironic.
    Abbott does nothing,

    or perhaps,

    Abbott does himself?

    Love it!

  7. Hilarious, Voyager. The asylum seeker arrivals started to fall *before* Abbott got in, & aside from hiding from scrutiny, Abbott hasn’t brought in a single policy that could impact on numbers….oh, but he has managed to piss off the Indonesian government, military & people in record time. Oh, but don’t let the facts get in the way of your idiotic little pro-Abbort rants.

  8. “Rort”, Voyager? More than 90% of boat arrivals are genuine refugees, unlike the plane arrivals who clog up the assessment process with their mostly *false* claims…not having to reside in detention I might add. Or how about the 60,000+ visa overstayers (mostly white) who are rorting our labor & welfare systems. Maybe if we stopped wasting money & time persecuting asylum seekers, we would have sufficient resources to deal with the real scammers living in Australia already (not just overstayers, but LIEberal Party MP’s).

  9. Anyone rotting system must be stopped.
    Still don’t get it – why do all the boats bypass so many countries and travel all
    that extra distance to get to Australia.
    I state that these arrivals must be stopped . The cost is crippling .
    The biggest con of the decade. There is absolutely no reason to have personal
    guilt on stamping this out.

  10. If the LNP supporters that ..umm… frequent here at CW, …umm…, were a tad supportive of their own ‘brand’, as it were, 🙂 … you’d reckon that they would support ON SHORE processing….. if only for the cost benefit analyses ($$$$$$$)…. “little lone” the general ‘sanity’ of the “idea” .. 🙄 … as in .. if’n most are found to be “real people” in need, wouldn’t it be cheaper to (ugg) ‘process’ (ugg) thems here….. just sayin ….. ugg
    …how sad my country 😦 …and look over there….. “boat People” …… or … how ’bouts ‘look over there.. Holden don’t fit into the TPP’ …. just sayin… agin’ 😦

  11. I think I can safely say that the only one paying, Migs, IS the ‘aspirational’ commonly referred to/known.. as “v.BS” ….. or more colloquially known as troll. 😀
    Oi, VBS, are you a ‘worker’.. or in a small business…. hows the new Gov. doing for you…. just askin 😉

  12. I’m fine with new Gov.
    Feel sorry for the huge mess they have inherited and bloated Public Service.
    Shorten seems pretty dodgy and investigation cloud hanging over him.
    May be a liability only time will tell if any charges are laid.
    Labor and Greens is a death wish . Even the Tassie Tigers have split from
    their minority Gov green partners. Just another stuff up there – no more
    Sitting days till the March Election.
    With Labor on 22% hard to see a turn around.
    Does that leave SA as the only Labor State?

  13. Hail Howard :
    The father founder of the –AUSTRALIAN NASTY PARTY—born in the war torn union destroying Horrid Howard Years with a pledge to continue the book burning bon-fires for a thousand years


  14. If you’re fine with the new government VOYAGER then it shows what very low expectations you have for a government. That is a Liberal government of course, you have entirely different and higher expectations for Labor governments, ones they can never meet.

    On any measure this is the worst government ever led by the worst PM ever.

    Why are you fine with a string of broken promises and failures? You wouldn’t by an ideological hypocrite now would you?

  15. I was talking to Mr Morrison yesterday and relayed to him the sentiments being expressed by Michael Taylor and Cafe Whispers. He said “Who?” I explained that you were a left minded mob of try hard scribes who played on the internet and are outraged by his actions. He replied ‘Mission accomplished then!’, laughed and walked off. Keep it up folks, you’re continuing to have no affect..

  16. What a load of inane make believe crap The Don.

    Thanks for proving to us all that right wingers really do live in a fantasy world completely detached from reality.

  17. ME – no no no , we just got rid of 3 of the worst Governments in Aust history.
    If you have forgotten it went Rudd – Gillard – Rudd.
    True losers even though in safe Labor seats both no longer wanting to
    fight the fight. They stopped believing in themselves, Australians stopped
    believing in them long before.

  18. And thank you VOYAGER for also proving right wingers live in a fantasy world completely detached from reality.

    So very sad.

  19. Sorry ME you are clearly incorrect.
    Your memory loss is forgiven.
    But there was a significant event held on 7 Sept 2013.
    It was called an Election which was most convincingly won by the
    Coalition of good. Do not know when ALP will win either A State or Federal
    Election as they do not have policies appealing to voters.
    Dinosaurs headed for extinction unless new directions taken.

  20. That’s all you have isn’t it VOYAGER. Whenever the debate comes down to it the right wingers can only come up with we won nya nya.

    Tell us VOYAGER why you are so pleased with all the broken promises and failures of the Abbott government?

    Why are you OK with all his secrecy and him being puppet controlled by the likes of Credlin and the IPA?

    Policies appealing to the public, these wouldn’t be the policies that Abbott did not mention and the ones he did that he’s now breaking VOYAGER by any chance?

    Come off it VOYAGER, you are living in another reality as the polls are showing Abbott’s policies are being rejected as is his backflips, lies and string of broken promises.

    Tell us what good he’s done for Australia and what his long term vision is for the country, you know the one he promised to articulate if he won government?

  21. ME, vBS is just your regular everyday RW clown…… he will never give a straight answer to showing any reasons why he reckons his mob of incompetents are so ‘good’ …… all the Café has ever got from this dodgy troll(op) is “Labor’s fault…nope, no good, Labor’s fault.. etc, ad pukeium 🙄
    …. and he will continue to vote for these imbeciles even though the LNP policies work against him and his family 😮 … which can only lead one to conclude that vBS and his ilk are ideological idiots 🙄

  22. There are several books and papers out about why right wingers mindlessly follow conservative politics against their wellbeing and betterment LOVO.

    One I read during the Howard years was the need to blindly follow who they perceive to be a strong leader so they can be told what to do and how to live as they haven’t the capacity to be independent and work in cohesion in societal groups.

  23. allenmcmahon

    Yes mate, I haven’t forgotten that dirty deeds were done expensively.

    I do not have any respect for any politician of any colour but I will fire verbal potshots at any ahole I do not agree with and they’re mostly LIbs and that goes to the right ‘whingers’ as well.

  24. “The Koch brothers have been exposed as major funders of the “grassroots” Tea Party movement – and the money has meant advertising, a big influence in how voters vote. When conservatives cut taxes on corporate bosses and defund social programs, the very-very rich get richer and everybody else – including the overwhelming majority of conservatives– get poorer…..”

  25. about why right wingers mindlessly follow conservative politics against their wellbeing and betterment

    Ad Astra at TPS tackled that one too Mö, basing his article on the work of George Lakoff. (http://www.thepoliticalsword.com/post/2013/12/08/The-myth-of-political-sameness.aspx).

    It’s quite an interesting read – as Ad Astra says at the end, “Try keeping Lakoff’s thesis in mind as you now listen to political dialogue, no matter what the forum. You might be surprised how much more sense you are able to make of it!”

    Who knows, you may even be able to make a little sense out of VOYAGER’s inane ramblings 😉

  26. Voyager

    ‘I’m fine with new Gov.
    Feel sorry for the huge mess they have inherited and bloated Public Service.’

    I don’t normally reply to airheads like you, but I have a few minutes to kill.

    Do you call a AAA credit rating a mess?
    How about all those mortgage holders relishing those very low interest rates saving them $$$$$$
    Employment at 6%.

    Or maybe you don’t recall when the employment rate was at 8% or maybe you haven’t been thru a few recessions.

    And you didn’t feel the GFC because of Rudds actions that prevented a lot of misery for all of us.

    It is quite possible that you or your missus is a recipient of one of Abbot’s policies, one that is lining your pockets at the expense of others and the economy.

    And if so, why don’t you come out and say so. Then I can understand the ‘Go Tone’ crap that you espouse

  27. Make sure Bacchus that when listening to right wingnuttery dialog that it doesn’t lower your IQ.

    VOYAGER et al have sorely depleted my intelligence at time, it’s actually hard to respond to mindless banality, but the good people here and elsewhere keep my thinking on path and lucid.

  28. I just caught the news.

    Now we have ‘swap a boat’.

    If the news report is accurate or maybe Abbott is kite flying, the boats I saw coming off a navy ship were lifeboats. The leaky boats of the asylum seekers will now be swapped for lifeboats.

    Please correct me if I’m wrong but don’t naval vessels have an obligation to rescue people in lifeboats?

  29. ME once again talking hypocracy . Right Wingers mindlessly following/voting
    Well you have that marvellous back-up to ALP called the trade unions who
    over time have blindly followed,contributed and voted for Labor.
    Even allowed 50% of vote at in house pre-selections.
    Fortunately the blindfold has been removed and Unions are losing members
    in droves.
    eg last 12 months in Qld saw
    (A) AWU loose 16,000 members
    (B) Together Union loose 4,000 members
    Now that is a vote of confidence in Campbell Newman.
    The next State Election will be a test of success/failure of Abbott Gov.
    Good opportunity for voters to vent their anger.

  30. vBS, just for ewe, bleat, bleat……….. 😀
    I do so hope this helps ewe in, what can only be construed as your chosen, umm, cough..cough, career…. 😛 (…..and who’d a thunk that Menzies Hovel had their own thee-atre ) … just sayin.. 😀
    “Now that is a vote of confidence in Campbell Newman.” ….. ewe so funny, baa !!
    “Ahh, Queensland… sunny one day… apartheid the next” …. no, really 😮
    (an soliloquy/aside, if you will)….. just saying, but can anybody pin point WHAT has dragged the trolls ‘out’.. all of a sudden ( or so it would seem)….. could it be just the usual “look over there” as abbott and Co. fuck up.. (again 🙄 ) …could it be ..’look over there, boat people” , again as per 🙄 or mayhap it’s the rotten to the core secret trade agreement (PPT) that this ‘transient’ worst govt. in Australia’s political history is trying to foist on us for their employers..mmm!!
    Trolls may be blind blinkered sycophantic unctuous fawning aspirational servile subserving lickspittle’s…. but hey, ‘they’ don’t troll without an agenda… ay, vBS.

  31. Please VOYAGER all you ever go on about is Labor, and Labor past at that, you cannot articulate what’s so good about Abbott and this government.

    And to boot you go on about Unions overlooking all the good they’ve done whilst you overlook the business unions and the corruption they’ve engaged in, along with the injuries and deaths they’ve caused over the many years. You also leave out corrupt entities like the IPA.

    You lamely attempt to project hypocrisy, proving who the hypocrite really is, as you will not answer if you are OK with all of Abbott’s lies and broken promises along with his secrecy, something you never would have allowed without a derogatory comment if Labor was in power.

  32. This one’s from April last year..so we’ve had turn-back, tow-back, buy-back and now it’s “let’s do a swap”-back, however we’ve also had drones.

    Senator Johnston said the opposition would spend $1.5 billion on seven drones and aim to have them patrolling Australia’s waters and international waters within four to five years.

    From the same article,

    Senator Johnston said navy and customs officers could be responsible for determining whether people intercepted in boats were genuine refugees.

    A leading seaman or a customs officer can determine whether or not someone is a genuine refugee. 😯 The utter stupidity/lack of knowledge/ignorance and out and lies and excuses coming from this government has exceeded even my expectations.


  33. The UNHCR is investigating whether Australia is in breach of its signatory to the refugee convention in the case of the one confirmed boat sent back. They are currently interviewing asylum seekers in Indonesia.

  34. So Mr. Pyne’s man wants more religion taught in schools.

    Wants more prominence put on our Christian heritage.

  35. There are 500 ADF people employed in this farce. along with many hundreds of others, from different departments. One could ask, if we can afford this expense.

  36. It is clear. Abbott said he would not be towing back boats. It is now apparent he is.

    Towing them back, leaving then just outside Indonesian waters with no communication or equipment to know where they are.

    I am not sure what they legal situation is, where you take people off their boats, then put them back.

    Who is responsible, if the boat then runs into trouble and sinks?

    What about those who are crewing the boats. Are they not criminals under our law. Why are they not arrested.

  37. So more compulsory religious education is on the books.

    What about us, who have found that version of our so called heritage wanting and have move on to a place, where one feels that one does not need religion.

    Teach respect for all religions, then leave it there.

  38. Möbius Ecko
    JANUARY 11, 2014 @ 8:54 AM
    The UNHCR is investigating whether Australia is in breach of its signatory to the refugee convention in the case of the one confirmed boat sent back. They are currently interviewing asylum seekers in Indonesia.


  39. I wonder how many that agree with Pyne, when it comes to the curriculum and the methods used to teach their kids have:-

    Taken the time to look at what their kids are learning.
    Taken the time to talk to the teachers about their concerns.
    Taken the time to contact their local state education minister, and even premier.

    My guess, is that there will be very few that have.
    My guess is, that there is very few that want religion to be compulsory under that curriculum.

    How many of them, have taken the time to read the curriculum. Available freely on the web.

    Yes, and the curriculum is always being revised and improved. At the end of the days, choices have to be made.

    Yes, methods of teaching are always evolving. There is not one size that fit all.

    I have seen where Pyne wants phonetics and back to rote learning.

    That is not education.

    The truth is, that we have moved on from phonetics versus other forms of teaching reading,. There is now a combination of all methods.

    I have a message for us oldies. You would be surprised at what children learn in their kindy and early years. Much more than ever was expected of us.

    Just take the time to find out.

    Pyne wants to dump a devade of research into education, for putting in place his own misbeliefs and prejudices.

    This research showed many problems that needed to be redressed. Many have been.

    The biggest cause of our failure in educating our kids, was found to be how the money is distributed among the schools.

    Better Schools, using Gonski recommendations provides that the money be based on the individual child, with additions for needs, regardless of the type of school they attend.

    Yes, fund the child, not type of school.

    Makes sense to me.
    Pyne wants to retain the unfair and inefficient Howard model, which has been a complete failure.

    Pyne believes he could better than all the experts.

  40. I care about the injustices being committed in my name. All decent people should.

    Abbott’s latest yesterday was that the majority of these people are not refugees. Yes the lot.

    He uses Carr’s statement, when he was talking about some, that were coming from Sri Lanka. Abbott, as usual, has extended that to all.

    We will see next, which is in the pipeline, new rules of this government, describing what a refugee is, in their eyes.

    Will rule, most out.

    Then Mr. The Abbott’s statement will be seen as truth.

    Like under Howard, when many Afghans were proven, to be not from that country, but Pakistan. Evidence suggests this was not so.

    Yes, I do care. I refuse to believe that many more do not.

  41. Another worry.

    …….ONE in five troops are no longer proud to say they are in the Australian Defence Force, with a series of sex scandals, budgetary cuts and border-protection challenges contributing to a crisis of confidence among the nation’s military personnel.

    Ahead of Australia’s withdrawal from Afghanistan, internal surveys conducted by the Defence Department revealed the immense task of maintaining high morale among army, air force and navy personnel, while at the same time endeavouring to lift standards and improve readiness for future assignments.

    The 2013 survey results, obtained by The Weekend Australian, show a series of sudden falls in key areas, with less than half of those surveyed (44.9 per cent) feeling valued by Defence for the work they do.

    Overall job satisfaction has dropped to 61.4 per cent – down from 70.6 per cent in 2009 when Defence introduced the measure – while there is also emerging negativity in relation to career development, promotions and confidence in merit-based decision-making, along with the amount of fairness and integrity in the ADF.


    Mr. Morrison has replied to the UN. Saying they have been a longtime critic.
    I thought Morrison was on leave. Obviously he cares about what they are saying.

  42. Wonder why VOYAGER and ilk have no problems with the corruption and deceits being undertaken by the right on behalf of this deceptive and secretive government.

    Why no one should bother listening to Kevin Donnelly about education.

    For instance Pyne using Kevin Donnelly to advise on education when this person is a hard right religious advocate who wants to force Christianity onto school kids and rewrite Australian history.

    Donnelly also has set up a false Education Institute that isn’t an institute at all, but a sub entity of his consulting business.

    We constantly hear the right wingers whinge on about Unions here, that’s workers only by the way, business unions are sacrosanct to them, but here we have a deliberate deception to corrupt the education of our kids and the same right wingers are mute condoning it.

  43. Mr Denmore cuts to the chase again…

  44. Fu, “Teach respect for all religions, then leave it there.” …. exactly right.
    Since my eldest (now 19) came home from primary school and announced that the (born again 🙄 ) scripture teacher had taught them that evolution was false and a lie, I have made sure that none of my lot went to scripture lessons. I informed the Principle as to why I did not want my kids contaminated by these dickheads. 👿
    I feel strongly that religion should ‘stay at home’ and not be infecting our children at school. Kids should be made aware of the different religions from around the world, but only in an academic way…. then leave it there. It’s up to the parent not the school, if parents want to pass on their self fooling god bothering crap to *uck their own kids minds over, well that’s their prerogative…. but leave my kids alone. 😈

  45. Who do you trust with your education standards?

    This lot:

    * Professor Barry McGaw – Director – Melbourne Education Research Institute, University of Melbourne
    * Mr Tony Mackay – Executive Director – Centre for Strategic Education
    * Mr Tom Alegounarias – Chief Executive – New South Wales Institute of Teachers
    * Mr John Firth – Chief Executive Officer – Victorian Curriculum and Assessment Authority
    * Mr Kim Bannikoff – Director – Queensland Studies Authority
    * Professor Bill Louden – Dean of Education – University of Western Australia
    * Ms Helen Wildash – Executive Director, Curriculum – South Australian Department of Education and Children’s Services
    * Mr David Hanlon – Former Deputy Secretary – Tasmanian Department of Education
    * Ms Rita Henry – Executive Director, Central Australia – Northern Territory Department of Employment, Education and Training
    * Ms Janet Davy – Deputy Chief Executive – Australian Capital Territory Department of Education and Training
    * Dr Brian Croke – Executive Director – Catholic Education Commission New South Wales
    * Professor Marie Emmitt – Dean of Faculty of Education – Australian Catholic University National
    * Mr Garry Le Duff – Executive Director – Association of Independent Schools of South Australia

    Kevin Donnelly – Right Whinge, dishonest religious nut job
    Ken Wiltshire – Right Whinge academic at UQ Business School

  46. Kevin Donnelly – Right Whinge, dishonest religious nut job

    As someone remarked elsewhere, he is the Alan Jones of the education sector. He was appointed by Bob Quinn (through the DG) to report on education in the 90s. An ideologue of highest order. And I should mention (because he never does) that he is a failed Fish and Chip proprietor.

    As for Ken Wiltshire, he also reported on QLD education but it was a report without weight, but certainly not in the physical sense. Rudd made the appointment but later regretted it.

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