Once upon a time, long before the election year, here at Café Whispers we would put up a post that wasn’t about Australian politics. But with 2013 being so politically vibrant our posts, naturally, were dominated by politics and the political players.
Just for old-time’s sake I thought a post about something completely removed from politics might provide us with some light and well-deserved relief. Perhaps the best way to accomplish this is with a bit of fun.
Here goes . . .
During my regular Saturday lunch in the local café I enjoy perusing the weekend papers, and while relaxing at night I have a habit of listening to podcasts on just about anything and everything. Doing either, I come across some rather weird headlines.
How’s this one? Man afraid of being arrested shoots policeman. Dead, sadly. That was a headline from our very own Daily Telegraph. I guess that’s a very good way of avoiding arrest. In the short-term, at least.
Here’s something from India: Relatives kill man and wife to help them give up smoking. I guess that’ll work. The couple stood inside a circle of relatives who’d offered to hit them with frying pans to convince them to quit smoking. The relatives, it seems, were very passionate about it.
I think this one was from England: Women who wanted to knock off early burns down office. That’s another thing that will always work. It’s far more convincing than feigning a headache. Personally, I always felt guilty about faking an illness in order to get away from the office early. But at least I had one to go back to the next day. And a job too. I’m guessing she lost hers.
And this little gem from the Originz podcast about a teacher in Western Queensland some years ago. The said teacher was in a very small community which consisted of a hotel (of course) a police station, a small school and a few houses. He was the school’s only teacher and the school had only a dozen students. Even in Queensland – his region at least – Winters can be cold. Some heating was needed so he wrote to the Education Department requesting that some kerosene heaters be supplied to the school.
They wrote back advising that electric heaters only would be provided, to which he responded that electric heaters would be unsuitable for the school’s generator. Again he requested kerosene heaters, thinking that his reason for needing them was well spelled out. His argument, unfortunately, was unconvincing even though it was logical and the Education Department insisted that only electric heaters would be provided.
Our teacher conceded and agreed to be supplied the electric heaters. And they duly were.
Our teacher then wrote back to the bright folk at the Education Department requesting . . . a 700 kilometre power cord so he could plug the heaters in somewhere.
I like that story. It tickles my sense of humour.
BTW, where have the trolls been lately?
To the best of my recollection of childhood fairy-tales, trolls live under under bridges.
I suppose that most of have probably crawled back under their bridges after watching the ‘Billy Goats’ run amok for the past three months.
Anyway, the Coalition has switched from telling fairy stories to telling sea-stories.
If you’re not sure of the difference, well, fairy stories usually begin with the words ‘Once upon a time…’ whereas sea-stories usually begin with the words; ‘Now this is no bullshit…!’
How do you catch a polar bear? Easy…
– you cut a hole in the ice
– you surround the hole with peas
– when the polar bear comes out for a pea, you kick him in the icehole 😆
I know, I know! – I’ll take myself back down to the cellar with LOVO and leave you good folks in peace
Bacchus, that was incredibly pathetic.
You think that was pathetic? Did you hear the one about….
Nah, even I’m not that mean 😉
Here’s one from the Daily Telegraph …
“MALCOLM TURNBULL WINS LIBERAL PARTY LEADERSHIP, OUSTS PM ABBOTT IN BLOODY COUP.”
Well … maybe not.
I’ll bet you were infleunced by Ross’ inert into his last post!
Don’t laugh! Ross Sharp is a lot closer to the mark than many may think – it’s only a matter of time. The Mugwump Post’s resident astrologer Madame Ruth breezed past reeking of Patchouli and last night’s goulash and predicted 18 months… any takers?
Can they afford to leave him in charge that long?
I have a job crushing soft drink cans. It’s soda pressing
Well, I’m a little hung over, it was the staff xmas party last night, but none the less, this has been a nice start to the day!
I hope Ross is right. Surely we can’t keep going along like we are. And I’m sure that Turnbull won’t let Peta own him.
Archie, you should be dragged outside and shot after that effort. It was funny though.
Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
….see you in the cellar shortly Bacc’s 😆
Man jailed 10 years for defiling goat! You must be . . . wait for it . . . kidding. 😆
LOVO, that was indescribably awful. Funny though. 🙂
No, I’m not banning you for that effort. Worse still, you’re barred from the cellar for two days, which is a long time for you. 😆
But seeing that Baccie needs some company I better wander on down and join him. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. And boy do I need a drink.
Baccie, a 1998 Penfolds Bin 389 thanks mate. And I’m bringing down a couple of Cubans.
Michael and Bacchus after a couple of days in the cellar with the Cubans.
After, or before? 😉
These are the “Cubans” before 😀
Perhaps banning LOVO from the cellar was a bit harsh Migs – his Ghandi effort was nowhere near as bad as the polar bear… 😉
Perhaps you can spare another Cuban for him?