Christpher Pyne says . . .

Oh. My. God. My jaw just dropped to the floor.

Just checking my email and a few people have sent me an email that they’d received from Christopher Pyne. I reproduce for you this jaw-dropping email (below). Brace yourselves.

Dear Friend,

Today, the Coalition Government secured a national agreement on school funding.

This agreement fulfils the commitment we made to parents and schools before the election.

The Coalition Government has restored the $1.2 billion that Labor ripped out of schools funding – and this brings total additional school funding over the next four years to $2.8 billion.

No state or territory misses out.

That’s good news for schools, parents and students in Queensland, Western Australia and the Northern Territory which did not have agreements with the previous government.

Labor and the former Education Minister, Bill Shorten left school funding in a mess.

The hurried agreements signed in the dying days of the Gillard-Rudd Government meant some states secured additional funding, while others didn’t.

Our announcement ensures that every student in Australia is treated exactly the same way by the Commonwealth regardless of what jurisdiction they live in.

We have kept our commitments on school funding and delivered more funding over the next four years than promised by Labor.

As parents approach the Christmas school holidays, they can be confident that the Coalition Government will always support their choice in education – and that whatever choice they do make, they will be properly funded.

Regards,

Christopher Pyne
Minister for Education

I ask you, have you ever read so much utter bullshit in your life?

Can you pick the lies?

Once upon a time . . .

Once upon a time, long before the election year, here at Café Whispers we would put up a post that wasn’t about Australian politics. But with 2013 being so politically vibrant our posts, naturally, were dominated by politics and the political players.

Just for old-time’s sake I thought a post about something completely removed from politics might provide us with some light and well-deserved relief. Perhaps the best way to accomplish this is with a bit of fun.

Here goes . . .

During my regular Saturday lunch in the local café I enjoy perusing the weekend papers, and while relaxing at night I have a habit of listening to podcasts on just about anything and everything. Doing either, I come across some rather weird headlines.

How’s this one? Man afraid of being arrested shoots policeman. Dead, sadly. That was a headline from our very own Daily Telegraph. I guess that’s a very good way of avoiding arrest. In the short-term, at least.

Here’s something from India: Relatives kill man and wife to help them give up smoking. I guess that’ll work. The couple stood inside a circle of relatives who’d offered to hit them with frying pans to convince them to quit smoking. The relatives, it seems, were very passionate about it.

I think this one was from England: Women who wanted to knock off early burns down office. That’s another thing that will always work. It’s far more convincing than feigning a headache. Personally, I always felt guilty about faking an illness in order to get away from the office early. But at least I had one to go back to the next day. And a job too. I’m guessing she lost hers.

And this little gem from the Originz podcast about a teacher in Western Queensland some years ago. The said teacher was in a very small community which consisted of a hotel (of course) a police station, a small school and a few houses. He was the school’s only teacher and the school had only a dozen students. Even in Queensland – his region at least – Winters can be cold. Some heating was needed so he wrote to the Education Department requesting that some kerosene heaters be supplied to the school.

They wrote back advising that electric heaters only would be provided, to which he responded that electric heaters would be unsuitable for the school’s generator. Again he requested kerosene heaters, thinking that his reason for needing them was well spelled out. His argument, unfortunately, was unconvincing even though it was logical and the Education Department insisted that only electric heaters would be provided.

Our teacher conceded and agreed to be supplied the electric heaters. And they duly were.

Our teacher then wrote back to the bright folk at the Education Department requesting . . . a 700 kilometre power cord so he could plug the heaters in somewhere.

I like that story. It tickles my sense of humour.

BTW, where have the trolls been lately?