Thursday funnies, starring Tony Abbott and friends

While looking through our old posts I came across some very funny comments from contributors here, the subject of humour being Tony Abbott and friends. They have provided the inspiration for Thursday funnies. Have a read and hopefully a chuckle. Let’s turn it into a post where we can keep the laughs going.

Enjoy.

I foresee a Prime Minister Abbott delivering unpalatable policy announcements in a dull as dishwater monotone voice . . . or acting the concerned citizen bathed in angelic light like a cornball star in some hokey American family drama . . . or barking in parliament imitating a rabid dog as he criticises any opponents leaving no “hyperbole stone” unturned in order to get the attention he seeks . . . and bully his bills though . . . even standing frozen in the limelight, mouth open and closing like a fish outa water . . . tongue suddenly springing forth to wipe nervous lips, alien in ‘V’ style . . . as the media pack turns on him due to a slip of the tongue . . . Umming and Ahhing until the cows come home . . . or some adviser, perhaps the devilish one that is perched on his shoulder, comes up with some snide joke he can use in a pathetic attempt to divert attention from the original topic.

Add the cheesy action man role when showing off his talents to the overseas troops . . . one moment baring teeth and ferociously pulling machine gun trigger like a character lost to insanity as he attempts to mow down those pesky Predators . . . the next standing around like a studio extra waiting for the doughnuts to arrive. In Abbott’s case, the cameras.

*******

Tony Abbott can’t take a dip in the Indian Ocean, walk out of the Western Desert or buy a tomato without putting on a pose for the adoring media.  He really is Australia’s Bob Hope.  “Did you get that one, boys?  And how about a shot of me snarling”.

*******

I find it disgraceful that the media in this country keep licking at the heels of a man, who in the great big scheme of things, is doing nothing and going nowhere.  He is a political lemming.

Meanwhile we have a Prime Minister who when visiting Fukushima or attending a wedding watched by every person in England, attracts only secondary comments from horse trainers or female impersonators.  And the comments weren’t flattering.  Why?  Because she didn’t wear the right clothes, or her hair was awful.

So now we have the media and the pretend media both playing politics.  And why do I think it’s politics?  Well consider this; at one stage Bronwyn Bishop was touted as a future successor to John Howard and Prime Minister of this country.  Yes, we’re allowed to have a Prime Minister who looks like Marge Simpson but not proper to have one who looks a million dollars.

*******

For the mere sake of wanting something to say, Tony Abbott – that walking, talking suggestion box – sniffed some political opportunism when emerging from the dusty camps of Alice Springs declaring that the place (and just about everywhere else) needed another intervention.  News.com were there to capture this Gillard trumping, black fella fixing policy gem.  It came under the heading of breaking news.  I tend to think that it was more like breaking wind.  Full of shit to be more precise.

*******

‘what precisely is Abbott going to spend the money on?’

votes?

*******

Could it be that Tony Abbott’s “surging wave of discontent” is nothing more than “absolute crap”, and if you’re homeless “it’s your choice” . . . But then on the other hand if you happen to be a virgin then “it’s a gift” . . . or maybe it was the other way around, that homelessness is “a gift” and virginity is “crap”.

*******

Gillard has pulled off the double wedge. Liealot thought he was so clever knocking back the amended amendments, but unfortunately for him he was lured onto the well camouflaged path over the bottomless pit of sliding polls.

I believe the PM dug the pit and laid the camouflage with her own hands. She wanted sharpened stakes at the bottom, but PJK intervened and told her that roasting the bugger over a slow fire would be far more satisfactory.

*******

For the life of me I cannot fathom one single redeeming feature about the man. He has no discernible intellect. He has no personality except for a confected Action Man personna, and he doesn’t even bother to pursue that one these days.

*******

After both the PM and joyce came out to deny this (Qantas) story, tony abbott was asked if he knew anything about it. True to form, yabot had a bubble-head moment, and Labor picked up on that and pursued him all day in Parliament over just what he did know and when. He finally came out and declared that he knew nothing until the Saturday afternoon. Considering we haven’t got that in writing (or pledged in blood), there is probably a huge question mark over that.

*******

In normal society Abbott would be considered more unglued than a used stamp in a downpour.

*******

God knows Liealot has precious little talent except for obstruction and nay saying, but no matter how many rocks or bushels you turn over, not a single ray of light shines.

There just isn’t anyone in this rabble who could lead a kindy crocodile to the library, let alone lead this disorganised, talentless mob of has beens to anywhere but the knackers yard.

The only reason Liealot has got any traction is because it’s been supplied in gigantic dollops, free of charge, by the msm. Take that away, as seems to be happening, and his ratings, and those of the Liars Party, will fall faster than a fireman down a greasy pole.

*******

Nothing gives me greater pleasure than watching the right resort to shrill when we of the left voice an opinion that they disagree with.  They are like seagulls at a loose chip.  Funny to watch.  How aften have we thrown away a chip for the enjoyment of watching them do battle?

The name John Howard is a prized chip.  I love to drop it.  It brings the seagulls in, squawking, flapping, fighting each other.  Only one seagull wins.  The losers turn against the winner.

So typical of the right.

*******

Christopher Pyne, the Member for Sturt, is a man who likes to indulge in a daily hissy fit whenever he walks into, or is within cooee of, Parliament house.  It’s hard to believe that this public character reflects the electorate he represents.  The electorate of Sturt is cluttered with the elite suburbs of Eastern Adelaide.  Shopping centre car parks are packed with BMWs and the centres themselves with expressionless peroxide blondes sipping on lattes and doing nothing else but look rich.  Husbands at work won’t be home until after midnight.  The kids are nearby creating havoc.  Spoiled, noisy, demanding creatures who will have no friends once they realise that life and society expect some sort of contribution or sacrifice.  They present a good case for the return of corporal punishment.  They belong to the cohort group that Pyne has clearly been engaging with in his electorate.  His behaviour imitates them.  I wish he’d talk to their expressionless mums; the ones whose opinions are best kept to themselves, if allowed to have one.  Pyne might gain some respect if he imitated them instead.  If elected as his party’s next leader he will follow in the mold of a failed previous leader and idol of his, Alexander Downer.  He is a serious contender but seriously, is a joke.

*******

As Tony Abbott leapt from his seat like a startled gazelle yesterday in his now famous dash for the parliamentary door I was reminded of the other door he repeatedly dashes at.  The front door of The Lodge.

Which reminded me again of something else.

Earlier this year I drove past The Lodge and noticed on the road a poor dead fox.  His deceased nose was pointing to the front gate, a sure sign of where he was headed.

Whilst I don’t like seeing animals killed on the road, even feral ones, I mused that this was an obvious sign that sly, sneaky, underhanded feral types will never make it to The Lodge.

An omen for Tony Abbott, perhaps?

*******

Whyalla was meant to be wiped off the map at midnight this morning. It wasn’t.

Tony Abbott lied.

The place is a shit hole. For once I hoped Abbott would be right. I’ll never trust him again.

*******

75 comments on “Thursday funnies, starring Tony Abbott and friends

  1. The perception that many here have of Abbott, is spreading aboard. Once it grabs hold, Abbott will be finished. The perception of a lying bully that cannot stand losing, especially to a woman. A perception that believes the media and people are fools and all he needs is too stick to a few three word slogans, that mean little.

    Does not even have to bother with sensible communications. Just join them together, does not matter if they do not make sense, and keep repeating them over and over and over. Add a few lying exaggerations and the world is my oyster.

    The PM has over the last two years, kept her cool, kept her focus on getting things done. Has delivered on most she has set out to do. The Pm is now setting Labor policies for the future of the nation in concrete. Not just promises, but legislation on the books.

    Abbott the demolisher sure has a great task ahead of him. He will sure be a busy man. The beauty is that each time he sets out to demolish what Labor has done since 2007, will only re-enforced how much Labor has achieve.

    It appears that the rising Coalition successes, are going to be very short lived indeed. Gone I believe are the days, when defeated governments takes many terms to be restored.

    I believe the voters have become non forgiving. They appear to be judging the states by the same means, they have been encourage to judge the PM. No mistakes allowed.

    As the post says, one cannot find one good reason to support Abbott. His supporters do not appear to give us any. His saving grace seems to be to many, is that he is not Gillard. Dangerous reasons to elect an alternative government.

    Maybe some will rethink, and go with the devil they know.

    Abbott has had a shocking week in parliament. This with the PM not present. The desperation on those sitting behind him, shone through yesterday.

    No PC since last Friday. Where is Mirabella. Not a word from her, except for one comment across the chamber. She also appears to be laying low.

  2. I posted this yesterday on the political sword..
    So we see Morrisson, playing the role of hanger-on at the periphery of the bar-room coiterie pushing into the circle with his schooner-hand to deliver his “one-good-joke” that he’s rehearsed all day! Typical of that loser opposition…then we see that poor excuse of a change of career shoe salesman : Cambell Newman delivering his comedy capers on Lateline like he was Captain-navigator-explorer-discoverer of some new “Great Southern Land” (Qld.), puting his party’s benefactor offside as he follows the financial twists of that “Touring Madaame de Triomph in a Powdered Wig” : Peter Costello as he collects the donative offerings from his “Ardent Admirers” in the Lib’ states in exchange for a reportoir of economic excuses that border on comical absurdity befitting his namesake!….At the wings of this stage of the absurd paces Tabbott mouthing in constrained whispers his one line deliveries for his part in the Liberal Country Party Grand Opera while waiting for those playmates ; Newman, Palmer and Costello to join him for when he makes his Grand Entrance in the theater of dreamt of govt’….of course, when the gang of four congregate in the wings waiting for their cue.. it won’t be Abbott or Costello calling the shots, but rather an awe-struck Clive Palmer who will ask in his kid-eager stage whisper…: “Who’s on first?”
    jaycee

  3. Would one trust this?

    But Mr Patch, who won the SRC presidency in 1975, said he had been Ms Ramjan’s campaign manager in 1977, and she had told him about the Abbott incident immediately after it happened.
    He writes in today’s Age: ”I did not see the incident, but I was nearby. The count had just finished. Barbara found me. She is a small woman, and Tony Abbott was (and is) a strong man. She was very shaken, scared and angry. She told me that Tony Abbott had come up to her, put his face in her face, and punched the wall on either side of her head.

    more telling

    The wall-punching event was not an isolated one, he writes. ”As President, Ramjan chaired SRC meetings. She did not want to be called ‘Mr Chairman’, but preferred ‘Chairperson’. But for an entire year Abbott called Ramjan ‘Chairthing’ whenever he addressed her at SRC meetings.

    Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/political-news/barrister-backs-womans-claim-of-abbott-intimidation-20120912-25svh.html#ixzz26IJatFBo
    http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/political-news/barrister-backs-womans-claim-of-abbott-intimidation-20120912-25svh.html#ixzz26HzT8aZR

  4. What has changed. My emphasis.

    Mr Patch says he knew Mr Abbott well at the time, beating him for an election for student member of the University Senate. ”Although he was an active member of a fundamentalist political movement with a religious base (the DLP and the National Civic Council led by Bob Santamaria), it was his personally offensive behaviour which stood out.
    ”He was always (verbally) attacking gays and feminists and lefties. You certainly knew what he was against – the trouble was that you couldn’t figure out what he was in favour of! Once again, the parallels with the way he operates today are, to those who knew him then, quite remarkable.”

    Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/opinion/political-news/barrister-backs-womans-claim-of-abbott-intimidation-20120912-25svh.html#ixzz26IKT6cJl

  5. Miglo, I like your post. I have a problem, I cannot find anything funny about Abbott.

    He poses too great threat to our nation and lifestyle.

  6. The face of a loser, maybe. Does not appear to have much luck against women. The pesty things keep beating him.

    The previous picture, the face of the court jester.

  7. Very funny . You could transpose Gillard Garrett Snowden and others
    into this post and it would be funnier and more truthfull to all Australians.
    Last Saturday saw very sobering results again for Labor at Local Government
    elections in NSW.
    True Labor interests would be better served in ‘correcting these failures’
    than pilling muck on the Opposition.
    Or the last laugh will be on you in 2013 Federally.

  8. True voyager, but things can change overnight.

    The PM might be many things, but a joke she is not. Too much guts and too straight forwarded. Not into playing games. The PM speaks to one, as if she believes we are adult. No talking down, with three word sentences. My 5 year old GC writes longer sentences than this.

    Now, the biggest threat to her in my opinion, is the rising informal vote at each election. This seems to effect Labor more than most.

    Voyager, I do hope for the sake of this nation, you are wrong.

  9. What failures do you see, Voyager. From were I sit, I only sees things done, that have benefited me and my family. Then I am from the lower end of the income scale. Means testing Howard’s handouts do not affect me.

  10. At least this PM turns up to front the media, no matter how difficult. Not only fronts, but remains until they have run out of questions.

    Does not pose or answer her own questions as well. Yes, if nothing else is in her favour, her guts are on show for all. (along with that famous butt.)

  11. Where are we piling muck on the Opposition. We are only repeating facts that have been in the public domain for decades. Facts which Mr. Abbott denies. Where is this different from what has been written and said, continually against the PM.

  12. No, Voyager, we can’t transpose Gillard et al into the post because they lack Abbott’s ability for outright foolishness.

  13. Sue, I hope the Government demands a medical certificate from a doctor of their choice for Mirabella. It’s the way the Liberals like to do things so I would expect full cooperation. 😉

  14. Abbott’s problem, is what we see is what we get. He has proven over time, that his actions are not a facade but the real Tony. He cannot turn the aggression off.

    He has shown, that he is one trick Tony. Incapable of anything else. Imagine him sitting across form the USA President, or the German Chancellor.

  15. Yes, one would have to watch their back and keep the pistol unholstered. Still he would be easy to read, and would always do as expected. No tricky surprises.

  16. Sue @ 9.11
    Was Sophie on the piste?

    A Mrs Brown joke.

    It’s to be hoped she can produce a certificate for this, one that will stand the scrutiny of… pretty much anyone Labor has in mind really. That’s Abbott’s Rules innit?

  17. Deknarf, one of the problems is that the MSM treats Tony Abbott far too seriously. Humour, indeed unto ridicule undermines this seriousness and shows him for the incompetent buffoon that he is.

  18. Roswell, if it seemed likely that you were going to win against Abbott he would either do a dummy spit and accuse you of cheating, or go and sulk in the corner..probably both..

  19. apparently, our reporters, who are so ‘balanced’, can’t help but ridicule Labor people. I don’t recall hearing any liberal politicians ‘rant’ being described as that. I guess we know that some journo’s don’t like their favourite pollie being exposed

  20. Migs, plus Abbott also continuously calls everything a misdeal and demands that another hand be dealt. He’s certainly got a chip on his shoulder.

  21. Would Mr Abbott have threatened Ms Ramjan if she had not been a woman? Did the fact that Ms Ramjan is a woman provide an extra cause for his aggression? Is there any record of him threatening male students? Would he have threatened a male political opponent if he thought they might punch back? Is Mr Abbott selectively aggressive towards women because he is a coward, or is it simply that he is a misogynist?

  22. Ms. Bishop gets her chance today, it appears. Why not the leader of the Nationals. Is Bishop deputy leader. I thought she was only deputy of the Liberals. That the position belongs to the Nationals. When did that change.

    Pyne starting early.

  23. Swan asked question on debt. Does not appear to be having trouble answering it.

    The younger Bishop not happy with the reply.

  24. ……….t did not end well. They quickly explained how the world went around and why they had to extinguish their opposition at the university and the rest of the country. Unfortunately, I did not agree with everything that was said and a few feathers got ruffled. The main point of contention was a woman’s right to control pregnancy, either via contraception or abortion. My view was that it was something those involved should settle on, not people like me who didn’t have to live with the consequences of the decision. To the activists that view was just as unacceptable as abortion.

    The largest of the lot was a person named Tony Abbott. He decided the quickest way to settle our differences was to take me downstairs and demonstrate how I was wrong by punching my head in. This was not the way I wanted the evening to go. Yes, we could have gone downstairs. Yes, he probably could have punched my head in — provided I did not faint of fright first — and yes, the evening’s discussion would have been brought to an end…..

    http://newmatilda.com/2012/09/13/abbott039s-punchline-returns

  25. Note who stopped the fight. I have heard some who attende uni at the time, describe him as a mug lair.

    ………..Before Abbott had a chance to damage his knuckles on me, Sheridan interceded and got between us. He calmed Abbott down by suggesting this was not the way to settle differences. I was very pleased he did. The point was taken and the discussion ended. Then the students all departed. I had another drink and assuming by then the street impediment free, I too departed…….

    http://newmatilda.com/2012/09/13/abbott039s-punchline-returns

  26. Hockey in full flight. Picture of Swan reading from a document. Problem, this is the norm for years. What is a document. Hockey wants it taken to privileges committee immediately.

    This has been the norm, to say no for all the years,I have watched QT.

  27. “Is this lady the deputy Coalition or only deputy Liberal leader. What is Trusses role.”

    I’m fairly certain that in opposition the deputy Liberal leader takes over as leader.

    The deputy Liberal leader is deputy of the Liberal party, the leader of the Nationals is not deputy leader of the opposition.

    Current Shadow Ministry List

    The leader of the Nationals gets the Deputy PM gig on the Coalition winning government in an arrangement made when the Coalition was formed. Also a set number of key government portfolios go to Nationals’ members that are more than their representation numbers in government.

    This has been a sticking point with many Liberals for a long time, especially the Deputy PM gig, which they want to see abolished. The other thing they don’t like is the bones in the form or pork that is thrown to the Nationals to keep them happy, which is why more and more they contest National seats, and slowly but surely are ousting the Nationals.

    Which leads me to a pet conundrum of mine in why rural voters are so stuck conservative voting when empirically it has been Labor governments who have done better by them.

    State wise this is even more so. You only need look at what Kennett did to the rural areas of Victoria, which eventually led to a rural backlash against him at the polls, and now look at Newman, who has just repealed legislation made to protect farm and rural land so it’s now more or less open slather for mining and CSG companies.

  28. Ms. Bishop gets her chance today, it appears
    ———
    And Turnbull had a role to play.

    I found myself listening to the opposition for the first time in ages…not the usual Abbott-driven NO NO NO NO NO accusatory rants.

    N’

  29. Which leads me to a pet conundrum of mine in why rural voters are so stuck conservative voting when empirically it has been Labor governments who have done better by them.

    State wise this is even more so. You only need look at what Kennett did to the rural areas of Victoria, which eventually led to a rural backlash against him at the polls, and now look at Newman, who has just repealed legislation made to protect farm and rural land so it’s now more or less open slather for mining and CSG companies.
    —————
    Mobius,
    I couldn’t agree more.

    Perhaps they need more Independents who can vote with either party depending on issue?

    I reckon the present Indies have been good for rural/regional representation.

    Didn’t the Howard govt stuff up the AWB and deregulate milk which caused alot of pain?

    My swing voting, oft National party, but occasionally Labor voting parents-in-law hate all the mining trucks as they try to tour OZ in their caravan…and it makes them irate to see so much housing dvlpt in Beaudesert.

    N’

  30. Migs,
    good post. Plenty of useful complimentary descriptions of Tony Abbott’s leadership style. 🙂

    Can’t wait for another caption post.

    N’

  31. I dislike Abbott and the L.N.P. so much that I’m joining the A.L.P. What they propose for the poor refugees is inhuman.

  32. Richard’s comment is correct, the ALP has covered all bases on the asylum seeker problem and deserves praise for adopting inhumanity as a viable option.

  33. Funnily, Tom, we got a lot of nasty comments blocked in Spam some time back that came from Indonesia. Someone we know was surfing over that way at the time.

    Interesting.

  34. I think it is a reflection of your blogs wide readership that such a broad array of locations are being attracted here Migs 😉

  35. Mobius, don’t tell me that Grattan has finally returned from the dark side of the force.

    That pic is not only unflattering but very creepy, and therefore very appropriate for Abbott. As per the old journo trick, use the pic to convey the message..

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