‘Tony Abbott and the spellbound audience’ caption competition

I’m sure we can have a few laughs with this one. 😆

95 comments on “‘Tony Abbott and the spellbound audience’ caption competition

  1. ‘Latest news to hand, .. statistical for every 25 people unfortunate enough to be caught in a photo op. with Tony Abbortt, only two will have a smile on thier dial…”
    when asked on this anomoly Mr Abbortt blamed the Carbon Tax……”

  2. “The book of the generation of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.
    Abraham begat Isaac; and Isaac begat Jacob; and Jacob begat Judas and his brethren;
    And Judas begat Phares and Zara of Thamar; and Phares begat Esrom; and Esrom begat Aram;
    And Aram begat Aminadab; and Aminadab begat Naasson; and Naasson begat Salmon;
    And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab; and Booz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse;
    And Jesse begat David the king; and David the king begat Solomon of her that had been the wife of Urias;
    And Solomon begat Roboam; and Roboam begat Abia; and Abia begat Asa;
    And Asa begat Josaphat; and Josaphat begat Joram; and Joram begat Ozias;
    And Ozias begat Joatham; and Joatham begat Achaz; and Achaz begat Ezekias;
    And Ezekias begat Manasses; and Manasses begat Amon; and Amon begat Josias;
    And Josias begat Jechonias and his brethren, about the time they were carried away to Babylon:
    And after they were brought to Babylon, Jechonias begat Salathiel; and Salathiel begat Zorobabel;
    And Zorobabel begat Abiud; and Abiud begat Eliakim; and Eliakim begat Azor;
    And Azor begat Sadoc; and Sadoc begat Achim; and Achim begat Eliud;
    And Eliud begat Eleazar; and Eleazar begat Matthan; and Matthan begat Jacob;
    And Jacob begat Joseph the husband of Mary, of whom was born Jesus, who is called Christ.
    So all the generations from Abraham to David are fourteen generations; and from David until the carrying away into Babylon are fourteen generations; and from the carrying away into Babylon unto Christ are fourteen generations.
    Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.
    Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily.
    But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost.
    And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.
    Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying,
    Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.
    Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife:
    And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS”.

  3. You’re a great audience I love you guys…. I flew all the way to get here and boy are my arms tired… get it.. arms? tired? fly… flap?…. How’s that Carbon Tax………

  4. Migs,Blonde kid in the front row is about to ask “what is a begat?”
    …… begat means … “I f*ck*d your Mum and thus you…..” 😀

  5. And now for something completely different, just let me say…Ye. er ..ye..er…y….No I can’t do it!

  6. Tony: Hear this people. The doors are locked and I have the place surrounded. Ok, hands up which one of you is the asylum seeker…

  7. Look into my eyes, look into my eyes. When I count to 3 and snap my fingers you’ll be overwhelmed by desire be completely satisfied with slower broadband speeds. When I snap my fingers you wont remember anything about my association with James Ashby or Kathy Jackson…….When you think of Jesus, you’ll see my face………1….2….

  8. Oh my the scary man is back, they all look so scared like HE the scary man is really going to get THEM.

  9. marcelles Wallace WINS! Don’t think anyone can top that…just what I wanted to say, but better…

  10. “And then Jabba broke the tension by saying ‘this bounty hunter is my kind of scum – fearless and inventive…’ Needless to say, Luke remained stoic, as the force was urging him to persist with the charade…”

  11. And No One will have a Disability Insurance Insurance Scheme. Woops, sorry, I mean a disability under my government

  12. Migs LOL.

    Mobious I agree.
    Abbott with the aid of rightwing states
    will create a recession so he can cut essential service jobs and funding…and bring in tax cuts to benefit business allies and rich backers. Not to be trusted. Five years on from the start of the GFC this govt has kept most people in jobs and their homes unlike many other world govts. They should be applauded.

    Abbott is a NEGATIVE…and RISK we can’t afford to take.

    ——
    BTW, as I let Ad know I will probably return to blogging after I have dealt with some important health issues related to S and I. Later in the year.

    Keep up the great work.
    Top post Migs. Luv it. Good larf.

    I am on Facebook if you need me.
    Cheers
    N

  13. Best of luck nas, take care.
    ———————-

    Son: “Dad let’s see of we can stare blankly and nod our heads longer than Mr Abbott.”
    Dad: “No hope son, he’s born to it, but we can up and run away out of here before he does… on 3…”

  14. “There will never be another school hall ever built under any government that I lead”.

    Whoops, Tony actually did say that…

  15. News Flash:

    Abbott Loses Runaway to Entire Audience
    There was a stampede today at an Abbott speech when a man in the front row shouted “1, 2, 3, GO!” and he and his son made a beeline for the exit. The entire audience up and ran out at the same time, some on “3” and others on “GO”.

    It followed a very simple question asked of Tony Abbott, but one that apparently wasn’t in the handed out script of question to ask. Witnesses said they saw Tony Abbott go into a vacant head nodding stare and then his legs begin to twitch as though he was going to run away when a man in the front row said in a rather loud voice to his son next to him, “1, 2, 3, GO!”.

    The son talking to this reporter later said that he knew to run on “GO!”, as his dad always went on “GO!”, but some of the audience went on “3” and they were trampled on by those who went on “GO!”.

    Apparently there were some minor cuts and bruises.

    The last anyone saw of Mr Abbott is that he was still standing up front in the venue nodding his head and staring blankly into an empty auditorium as nobody had told him whether he should run away on “3” or on “GO!”. His colleagues have told this reporter that is a known Tony Abbott trait and it’s called a brain freeze, and that it’s and indication of a great leader as most just fight or flight.

    When I asked if anyone is going to tell Tony Abbott to run away on “3 or GO!” they stared back and I heard one say, “Oh shit, he’s still there”.

  16. And we will have a Disability Insurance Insurance Scheme. Woops, sorry, I mean a disability under my government.

  17. People new to the Café over the last few months may not know who Nasking is.

    He is one of the people who helped start up the blog. He’s a great thinker and a great writer.

    He oozes passion.

    And his knowledge of US politics has helped to add new dimensions and discussions across the local blogosphere.

  18. “And I say of those infidel boat people, we shall fight on the seas and oceans,
    we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our Island, whatever the cost may be,
    we shall fight on the beaches,
    we shall fight on the landing grounds,
    we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
    we shall fight in the hills;
    we shall never surrender”.

  19. The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.

    Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President Tony Abbott

  20. nasking August 12, 2012 @ 8:55 am
    “Wanna see me pull a recession out of a black hole?” …..disturbingly funny, a joke with wonderful depth….. imo 😀

    marcelles wallace August 12, 2012 @ 10:24 am
    “….When you think of Jesus, you’ll see my face………1….2….” .. made me spill me coffee 😆
    Möbius Ecko August 12, 2012 , @ 12:20 pm ,@ 12:36 pm
    News Flash:
    Abbott Loses Runaway to Entire Audience ….. best long play joke so far …. 🙂 😉
    Some classics Migs, great fun post!

  21. Look…this is…ahhh..ahhh…look…look…ahhh….its a toxic chair tax, look, this is without a doubt the worst audience in Australia’s history and its getting worse. I, we, look…Australia demands an ejection…If the audience cared about this country they would call an ejection. Look, its time they called an ejection.Look…This is a toxic chair tax. Look…We don’t want a great big new chair tax in this country.Look… Its the worst time for a chair tax. ahhh…i will give a blood pledge that when i am PM i will roll back the toxic chair tax.

  22. I was reading 50 shades of grey, cos if they won’t give me an election, at least i can go for the chinese equivalent… an erection!

  23. “For my next trick I’m gunna shove this microphone up my arse, the better for you hear the finer points of my policies”

  24. Audience: “We’re waiting for a policy – and we’re not leaving until we get one”
    (2 minutes silence and a lot of head shaking) “We’re still waiting”.

    Nas – nice to see the bear on a post again – take care, stay well and see you again soon I hope.

  25. No, but I think that the bloke sitting next to the blonde lady resembles Johnny Depp wearing glasses and a false beard…

  26. The audience are saying ,” i don’t get ! What the ,NO ,and no again .
    And the girl who is smiling is thinking ,”OMG he is such an idiot ,he is talking rubbish ,and trying desperately hard to be cool .I have rotten fruit in ,and I an so going to throw it at you .
    and Tony is telling then ,” I am right ,and perfect ,just because I say so ” .

  27. Tony Abbott’s attempt at performance poetry;

    The aspirational voter.

    The aspirational voter…. is a funny little thing
    It dreams of eating caviar and wearing lots of bling
    Drinking aspirational beer from a glass like a champagne flute
    While using old newspapers to block holes in his worn out boot
    And residing in a single bedroom, ground floor flat
    While looking at the penthouse, saying one day I’ll have that

    Working late, flipping burgers at the local drive through
    While looking down his nose at the likes of me and you
    With no great skills or intellect and not much else within
    He’ll still extol the virtues of the right wing spin
    As he drives home in his rusted out Hyundai Excel
    While ignoring all the rattles and the take away smell

    And dreaming of an Audi from the front seat of his car
    With the VOTE 1 LNP sticker covering rust on it’s bumper bar
    And he goes to all the meetings of the local LNP
    And he’ll hand out how to vote cards just to prove his loyalty
    When elections roll around and the local booths need manning
    In the wind and rain or sweltering heat his future he’ll be planning

    And they’ll thank him for his efforts and they’ll shake his calloused hand
    And invite him to their BBQ to reward him for his stand
    Then it’s back to flipping burgers for another working day
    And his dream of becoming manager to escape his minimum pay
    But as the years slip slowly by and his job remains the same
    And he sees new candidates come and go, his aspirations wain

    And after years of faithful service to his local LNP mob
    His small business owner boss decides he’s no longer got a job
    So he drives his old excel to his local Centrelink
    Where he fills out heaps of forms, then he goes home for a drink
    But the fridge is nearly empty and the cupboards are all bare
    And his aspirational attitude quickly turns into despair

    So after days of racking brains, he thinks “I’ll call me LNP mate”
    The one who just got nominated as the local candidate
    So he rings him up and asks him “could you help me find some work?”
    But his so called mate from the LNP turns out to be a jerk
    So he looks around and finally finds a job in a factory
    And he stays there till retirement, and he’s still in the LNP

    So he never gets his penthouse, and his excell’s long since dead
    And the cuts made by his right wing mates means he’s barely even fed
    And when the winters chill sets in, his heater just stays off
    So he wraps himself in blankets to avoid the winters cough
    But pneumonia proves his great demise and from his dying bed
    He looks back with regret upon the wasted life he’s led

    His so called mates left long before when he ceased to be of worth
    And he realised poverty like prosperity was an accident of birth
    And his life of aspiration was a life of lost endeavour
    As he helped fulfil other peoples dreams while his own were lost forever
    And the message on his gravestone reads “To the LNP be true
    If you are rich or ruthless,….. otherwise it’s really not for you
    Cos they’ll use you up and spit you out, and move on to the next
    While you lay there on your dying bed, feeling lonely and perplexed
    So think long and hard you aspirational lot, before you join their ranks,
    As a handshake and a BBQ will be your only thanks.
    And a life of service to the LNP, just isn’t worth a kipper
    For there are no real friends in the radical right, just ask… Peter Slipper.”

    🙄 😆

  28. “Ah well if your self delusions bring you comfort who am I to shatter them with the cold hard light of reality?”

    That it he question many of are asking. Who appointed you to be our saviours.

  29. Maybe he was talking about how clever it is to reject something before you know what is being suggested. Maybe they ask, why no for everything.

    It is expected these findings will favour the government’s policy agenda of a hard-hitting deterrent such as the Malaysia plan.
    The opposition rejected the committee’s findings before it even met and will reject them today. It derided the approach yesterday as Labor’s committee solution.
    Abbott’s plan is to rebirth John Howard’s ”Pacific solution”, which the experts say worked once but will not work again.
    Too many boats are now arriving for this issue to slide off the agenda and it is only a matter of time before there is another tragedy.

    Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/politics/gillard-comes-out-fighting-and-begins-to-see-blue-sky-ahead-20120812-242um.html#ixzz23NjwT6zj

  30. Audience: Hmmm. . . . Genus – homo . . . Species – sapiens???? No – I don’t think so.

  31. Skeptical, we’ve been blessed with many talented writers here. If you click on the Archived tab above, and then select Literature, you’ll see what I mean.

  32. Migs, I did as you suggested, and yes there are many good writers here.
    I also stand by my reply to your kind words, and I must say that “Tomorrow Together” was a particular fav, excellent work.
    😎 Cheers

  33. Migs, I did notice that they were Bold, but did not make the connection , but then my eyes get very sore looking at the screen of my macbook, as I spend a lot of time reading all the comments, with the exception of certain RW and long winded trolls.
    Anyway I like it even more now, Very 😎 😎 😎

  34. I read most of the shorter comments, and like you are selective about the longer ones, especially those supporting RW spin.
    I enjoy well thought out, interesting and amusing comments, not those that continually reiterate the same old long winded and worn out justifications of points long since disproved. 😉

  35. I’m with Skeptical. It doesn’t take long to work out who are the right-wing trolls. Then it’s just a matter of scrolling past them. Scroll the trolls!

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