Time to send out the school report cards on the performance of your little darlings, so here goes:
Tony Abbott – is definitely a boy with special needs. In the view of the staff room, these should begin with an exorcism;
Malcolm Turnbull – Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig
Joe Hockey – Your child has delusions of adequacy.
Greg Hunt – Your son sets low personal standards and consistently fails to achieve them.
Barnaby Joyce – Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
Andrew Robb – The child has been working with glue too much.
Julie Bishop – When your daughters IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
Bronwyn Bishop – The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train is not coming.
Christopher Pyne – It is impossible to beleive that the sperm that created this child beat out a million others.
Sophie Mirabella – I would not allow this student to breed
Peter Dutton – The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.