Opening Bids For G20

Australia has been given the nod to host the next G20 meeting and our Prime Minister is due to announce next June which State Capital city will host the event. I would like to give all state government leaders the opportunity to submit their first draft of a preliminary feasibility proposal to host this prestigious event. To assist all those struggling State governments I offer a first draft summary of their respective strength and weaknesses – feel free to add your contribution:

NSW: Barrel O’Lies is the only state with a water cannon (and they are not afraid to give the rabble a spray). Howard showed how easy it is to shut down the entire city and ensure that powerful world leaders arrive on time for the lectures and largesse. Anyway by 2014, Abbott will be living in the Sydney harbor side mansion (Kirribilli House) and little Johnny will be living next door in the Governor General’s shack so all the important people will be close at hand.

Queensland: Campbell Newmann will finally get elected and go straight into the top job where he will make Abbott look like an alter boy. His no nonsense approach will re-introduce the “ride over the bastards” approach so they won’t need any pussy water cannon. Politically it would be better for Brisbane to miss out as Newmann can play the “see I told you southerners really hate us” card after all it kept Joh Bjelke-Petersen in power for more that twenty years.

Victoria: Police scandal and corruption will be a thing of the past by 2014 (well at least not appearing in the newspaper). Victorian bid will be held back because of the swear jar laws (shit!) and the Premiers strange wind turbine phobia (anemomenophobia.). Failure to even take a one game off the Irish will not help.

Canberra : despite royal endorsement, the ACT does not have enough hotel beds although the locals would provide billets which might prove a novel arrangement for our visitors. We run the world’s best little soccer tournament (Kanga Cup) and the biggest concern from our overseas visitors is they can’t find a McDonalds to try out the local cuisine.

Perth: Well they just had CHOGM. Guaranteed to be the preferred choice for ultra right wing G20 members.

All the rest including the south island, thanks for applying, it was a very strong field and you “just” missed out.

98 comments on “Opening Bids For G20

  1. Tasmania for me.

    NSW deserves not to get it after coming out of the blocks full of hubris and telling, no postulating, that they are the one and only choice and apparently according to the tourism minister the whole world, yep that’s the WHOLE world, will go into an epileptic fit if NSW is the chosen State and Gillard will be forever damned and her image spat upon around the globe for daring to overlook NSW.

    Welcome Australia, the Liberals are back in power and yet again showing their born to rule mentality and arrogance.

  2. Mobious, the Liberals are back in power and yet again showing their born to rule mentality and arrogance.

    and it only took about five minutes !!

  3. Really, think about it, Tasmania is the best State to host the next G20 for a whole host of reasons.

    If not Tasmania then SA must be second choice.

    And no, I was not born nor lived in either State, didn’t even serve any time in either during my pusser years.

  4. I can find an argument for SA but not for Tassie. They are both sleepy little hollows, but there is slightly more to do in SA. The food and wine industries are the big plus. Tasmania has trees, nothing else.

  5. I don’t like Sydney but it’s our one true international city. Ignoring the politics of the decision, it stands out as our best contender.

  6. Roswell, why does it have to be held in an ‘international city’?

    Why not a ‘sleepy little hollow’ with different wine regions an hours drive from the CBD?

  7. Pip, re “Why not a ‘sleepy little hollow’ with different wine regions an hours drive from the CBD?” The Yarra Valley sounds nice…

  8. Min

    If you want to include Darwin, lunalava will have to include a crocodile in the image. No crocs no story

  9. I still think Canberra might be a chance, we could get a few to sleep out at Queanbeyan (Royal Hotel anyone?) and Goulburn is only 40 minutes down the road. I think Airforce One can land at Canberra Airport.?

  10. Meanwhile Benson and Price have assured Barrel that they will run front page headlines between now and June until that woman rightfully awards the G20 to NSW.

    Blot won’t have any of that, he will have Ted on the radio as well as plenty of commentary, What do you think the Herald Sun is, says Blot we have been instrumental in getting rid of 2 Police Commissioners. So we have the runs on winning, she will have me to answer to.

  11. Juliar,Juliar she better understand that the people have spoken, we want an election now. Tony should be organising the G20, Tony I am telling you, you should be organising it.

    Yes I agree Anal, she cannot do anything. Remeber the pink bats fiasco

    True Tony, and the school halls, she will want to run it in a school hall. total waste.

    Yes Anal, and we will have to stop the boats before the G20 or some of them may want to stay.

    Disgraceful, Tony we need an election. That Juliar never told us before going to Cannes about the 2014 offer. Juliar I say, the people have spoken.

    Thank you Tony for being with us this morning.
    Oh shucks Anal, anytime.

  12. Some people say Centerbet has shortened the odds on Canberra. A nation wide survey to be released next week is reported to show that everyone hates Sydney.

  13. I could make it to Canberra in half a day. I could share stories with the US President about what we know about UFOs.

  14. Oh and Putin and Abbott could have an iron man race. Show all those others who are the men of steel in this group.

  15. I think it is more appropriate that we talk about Abbott in the Harassment article than here. It has more to do with bullies.

  16. Pip re: Roswell has come out of her shell.

    Now this is quite right, we don’t actually know whether Roswell is a boy or a girl – is he/she Mulder or Scully?

  17. Pip, might you have a reference to little red loin cloths..for some reason (completely unknown to self) you keep returning to this theme.

  18. Roswell
    I prefer lumping Abbott with those other jokers/bullies, Barrel,Ted, Blot, Anal and anyone from murky press. But having a laugh at them on a Sunday evening is worth a second cup at the Cafe.
    Red loin cloth cloths. I thought Abbott had cornered the neanderthal market, Putin can bring his own.

  19. Min,
    I sadly picture big bullying he-man rabbott in a red loin cloth instead of his red budgie smugglers…..I’m considering seeking treatment ….

  20. Min @ 6.20pm is he/she Mulder or Scully…hmm,

    as long as long as Eugene Vistor Tooms doesn’t show up 😮

  21. The PM has I believe chosen Darwin for the President. I suggest she goes the bottom of Australia and choose Tasmania.

  22. CU, it was a joke. Pip said..ah well never mind. I am certain that Roswell has not been offended. From his/her previous postings over many months I am certain that he/she has a sense of humor.

  23. it’s like that is it, put all the dark ones in the back row.

    This topic is not only sexist but it’s racist I tell’s racist!!!!

  24. I hope you all realise that the folks in the picture are waiting for Abbott’s special guest. Having to do better than Julia and the Queen, Abbott has arranged for the Pope to give them all a blessing.
    Fearing anarchy at home those present have asked for all official photographs at the blessing only be of the type as shown by lunalava.

    Murky press famous for page 3 photos offered to place strategically placed blanks across notable features but this offer was declined, as delegates could not put their trust in murky press and any rogue photographer.

  25. Min, I thought you all understood my twisted sense of humour.

    Maybe the PM should invite Putin.

    Would not that be a sight to see, Putin and Abbott together, but I fear it will show Abbott up as a pale copy of the master.

  26. Sue, sugarmagundy that’s a bit know that if you sprinkle Holy Water on those from the underworld that they shrivel up into tiny little crisp balls. You could easily lose half of the G20 by attempting that.

  27. Talking about the Pope. Who thinks that it is a good idea to close down the Vatican Embassy, as Ireland had done.

    It would release money to be spent elsewhere that has greater need.

  28. Min, I am amaze that one would assume I was being serious. I thought you knew me better than that.

    Maybe that is a brain wave. the PM should invite Putin.

    Abbott and Putin together would be a sight to see.

  29. “ know that if you sprinkle Holy Water on those from the underworld that ”

    Does that negate blood oaths?

    Blood oaths are generally made with the devil.

  30. “if you sprinkle Holy Water on those from the underworld ”

    Does that negate blood oaths that are usually made with the devil?

  31. Min, he did not do Vanstone a favour by shoving her off to Italy.

    I hate to be nasty but the blouses she herself makes are hardly covering her increased bulk.

    This from one who has fought obesity all my life.

  32. “Tim Fischer and ”

    The man that was on the board of that child care company that went bankrupt and the PM was left to salvage on behalf of parents.

    Another great success for the PM.

    Must admit, Fisher was head an shoulders over what we have today.

  33. Roswell, do you think the PM has the guts to agree.

    By the way I am a baptised, confirmed, married and educated in the Catholic Church.

    Just heard on the news, (TEN) The coalition is powerless and they hate it. (earlier news. I record and watch at my pleasure, not the station.

  34. I would like to add, I have deserted the church.

    The catholic church that Mr. Abbott seems to believe in, is not the one I belonged to.

    Maybe the black joeys coloured my view of the church.

  35. I have been to the Vatican a couple of times. As a tourist. They haven’t been religious odysseys. They didn’t get much money out of me.

  36. PS. I do nopt expect to be buried by the rites of the same church.

    I lost faith when as a woman, I seen young married women. who were being abused told they had to stand by their husbands.

    I seen these same nuns, stand by the drug addict scrum turn up at the school with their mistress children, stand by the husband.

    I seen these women, who believe they were married until death does us separate put their lives on hold. They were in their early 20’s.

    It was then that I gave up on religion.

  37. Roswell, I climb to the top of St Peter’s dome.

    Roswell, I touched the gold leaf that the murals were made of. The art they have on view is beyond belief. it is wonderful.

    I also visited the catacombs and sites that predated Christianity. They were also amazing.

    The city I fell in love with was Florence. I believe it has more class.

    Venice was an experience that all should have. But please go to the islands to get a feel of the real history.

    Greece is still my favourite country

    Roswell, that has little to do with religion..

  38. Alan Jones. He carries a lot of weight.

    He certainly does. Did you see him in that suit addressing the Convoy of Cretins?


    so it’s like that is it, put all the dark ones in the back row.

    Because they’re taller and have better eyesight, Min.

    CU, Florence was my favourite city, too.

  39. Did you happen to visit the railway station. It remind one of Central but was a work of art.

    The toilets left much to be desire, especially when one

    I’m quite adapted at crouching in the scrub, but a toilet, no.

    Some signs in English would have meant we did not spend as much time there. We only wanted to get back to the suburbs we were staying at.

    The trains also leave ours for dead.

  40. Debbiep..where is it!! For the life of me I can’t find it..we’re getting stacks of hits from Crikey.

    Woo hoo most definitely.

  41. If anyone else is as silly as me, the link to Lunalava’s topic is at Crikey – Politics.

    Debbiep, thank you so much for letting us know.

  42. We had a quick straw poll at the RSL last night and we’re putting forward Woolibuddha as a venue … quiet, no hippies, no traffic lights, one pedestrian crossing and we might get our potholes fixed. We reckon it’ll be the making of the place – like Melbourne’s Grand Prix or APEC in Sydney. Really put us on the map. Strewth there’s only 20 of ’em … we cater to twice that when the rodeo is on

  43. There are negatives in hosting a G20 summit. Just look at what Canada had to contend with; rioting and destruction. This can be avoided by holding it in a largely inaccessible location. How does Finke sound?

    Another ever present problem is the risk of a terrorist attack. For that reason it should be held in Melbourne. 🙂

  44. Sorry Roswell Melbourne has the highest number of Greeks outside of Athens and while it is true they invented democracy they are now doing a good job of perfecting anarchy.

  45. Lunalava, I should offer Congratulations on behalf of the Café for having your topic Headlined over at Crikey. Well done!

  46. Peter Ormonde

    But does Woolibuddha have enough water for the canon. A good spray from the canon makes for a good TV and the TV News crews can use their helicopters.

    If you do not have enough water, put that in the submission and with some clever editing the TV stations could film that sequence elsewhere.

  47. Maybe Christmas Island or one of the detention centres. Plenty of accommodation. Beautiful scenery.

    After all they are here to work.

    Security would be less of a problem.

    We would not have to fence off our city.

    Perfect solution.

  48. One must ponder on how disruptive the G20 summit is likely to be for the residents of the host city. Sydney went into meltdown during the Bush visit, you might recall. Also, laws had to be changed so his minders could bear arms. If people are going to be toting firearms, I again nominate Melbourne. Or more specifically, Collingwood.

    They’d feel at home.

  49. By George Roswell, Collingwood would be ideal.

    Min, the visitors can ride the trams just as the queen did 😀

  50. Roswell, I do not know, Merrylands and Granville are trying very hard to out do Melbourne with their guns.

    No tram lines there.

  51. The true Melbourne experience Pip, 20 minutes late, half of them cancelled and watch out for the school bags which the St Kevin’s and the Scotch College lads insist on putting next to the steps so that you can’t get either on or off.

  52. Roswell
    Don’t worry about Sydney having to close down as they did for APEC, if I remember Sydney also shut down so that Cheney could have a beer with Howard at Kirribilli.

  53. Sue, them wire fences must still be available. As someone said we still have the water hoses.

    Funny, we have not had to use them since Howard left.

  54. I saw an article that Tasmanians drive the oldest cars in Australia. This surprised me. I didn’t know the Amish drive cars.

    Let’s forget about holding it in Tasmania.

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