Liberal Limericks

Abbott’s People’s Revolt was such a farce – the only rhyming word which came to mind was a bit obscene for a ‘pome’ so I came up with a limerick which was a bit more genteel!

 

Revolting People Rule! Okay?

We have now had a clear demonstration,
Of Mr. Rabbit’s desire for ‘one nation.’
He wants Oz to unite
And fight for what’s Right,
Ensuring his own elevation.

I thought it would be fun to try a “Liberal Limericks” competition with Cafe Whispers clientele

Here’s another one I thought of some time back with nowhere to post it appropriately.

Torquemada in Lycra

Elected to lead Opposition
Mr Abbott departed tradition.
As an aspiring saint
And a political feint
He established an Oz Inquisition.

THE RULES!

1. Five lines only about the Liberal Party or Liberal Politicians – conditional acceptance of Nationals .

2. Rhyme structure is AABBA (lines 1,2 and 5 rhyme, and 3 & 4 rhyme with each other. Their “beat” is di dum di di dum di di dum)

3. Lines 1, 2, and 5 generally have seven to ten syllables, while lines 3 and 4 have only five to seven syllables. Their beat is di di dum di di di dum…

33 comments on “Liberal Limericks

  1. There once was a man called Nick
    As a Liberal he was a prick
    He had a puppet called Abbott
    With ears like a rabbit
    And smugglers to hide his dick.

  2. There once was a pollie called Tony
    Whose equipment in smugglers was boney
    Old Joe said Don’t worry mate
    I know you don’t rate
    So here is some of my flabbery

  3. Hi Min, great – but would ‘own old baloney’ be what you were thinking of for that last word?

  4. Patricia, I was thinking that as Tony’s you-know-what was boney and that Joe has some fat to spare and so flab..hence flabbery. Just as a fun nonsense word.

  5. Sorry, Min, my perfectionist ‘pote’ was a little too hot off the mark there!

    Yes, Joe is flabby and ‘flabbery’ is indeed the right fun word.

    I was started off on this limerick thing today because Acerbic Conehead over at TPS had done a very funny parody of “These Foolish Things” and nudged me along with “If only…” which took me initially to thoughts of that song “Only The Lonely” but I thought it was too nice a song to use as parody on someone as crass as Tony Abbott. I did do a limerick for AC which I posted there just now. I’m hoping he’ll take up the challenge to match it over here.

    There once was a pollie named Tony
    Who was famous in Oz as a phony.
    He was destined for hell
    Except that Cardinal Pell
    Intervened, as he had the Right religione.

  6. There once was a fellow called Keating
    Who always gave Johnnie a beating
    The language was shrewd
    As he pounded the dude
    With words I feel like repeating.

  7. Talk Turkey over at TPS came up with this.

    Liberals thought Toe-Rag Abbortt was spunky
    He was quick on his feet as a monkey
    But he dropped a bad clanger
    Insulting our Ranga
    And it seems now his brain has gone clunky

  8. There were once illegal arrivals
    Who wanted no more than survival
    Tony went spastic
    It’s the power of elastic
    But his budgies now extend past his navel.

  9. There are some who like Mr Barnaby Joyce,
    But we all know that he’s not very ‘noice’.
    He a redneck, I’ll hasten,
    With a glowing red face when
    He screams his abuse with that voice.

  10. There once was a fellow called Abbott

    Who had an embarrassing habit

    When the questions got tough

    He’d say, “That’s enough!”

    And wobble his head like a rabbit.

  11. It’s easy to loathe Christopher Pyne,
    And his persistent whiney whine.
    He’ll scream ‘Point of order!’
    When really he oughta
    Bring joy to us all and resign.

  12. As a pollie Abbott was lazy

    His grasp of finance was hazy

    He’d go for a swim

    Slack off on a whim

    And most folks thought he was crazy

  13. Migs I’d change crude to shrewd.

    Keating’s quips and barbs were rarely crude.

    Done (Miglo)

  14. Thanks, guys, you got me going so I finally did a pome on that rally and the farce and I didn’t have to mention a..e. once. Though come to think of it…….

    A Liberal with physique of perfection
    Had decided to run for election
    He was warned he’d go blind
    Unless he could find
    A safe seat for his member’s ‘selection.’**

    **Censored and re-written by blog moderator, who is a very proper person who believes that ‘upright’ and ‘erect’ are fine words which should not be played around with.

  15. Glad you liked it, Miglo. Here’s another for you. There are a few variations possible for the last line in this one.

    There was a Lib polly named Abbott
    Said white Aussies should breed like the rabbit
    But if he keeps on urgin’
    Oz girls to stay virgin
    We’ll never get into the habit.

    OR

    We’ll have to start wearing a habit?

  16. Lovely, Miglo! And here’s some good news for

    A Liberal with physique of perfection
    Who had decided to run for election.
    He’d been warned he’d go blind
    But was able to find
    A seat which held the member with affection.

  17. Tony Abbott is known for misogyny,
    His mind a pool of pathogeny.
    How could he be other?
    With that father and mother?
    Of Bronny and John he is progeny.

  18. Brilliant Mandy, very clever concept and perfect beat down to the last di di dum! I often have to give up and make do with second best on that last line! Love to see some more from you!

    Tony Abbott who wants an election
    Has his media thrust to perfection
    As master of spin
    He’ll try to get in
    By arousing an Oz insurrection

    I keep trying to get ‘erection’ appropriately into the last line.

  19. Thanks for your encouragement, patriciawa! Here’s another:

    We know Tony Abbot loves Boxing.
    He imagines that he is out-foxing
    The government show
    By just saying “No!”
    But it’s only the lowing of oxen.

  20. Another original one from you, Mandy!

    By the way, Caney, I’m sorry my comment on your effort yesterday somehow didn’t get posted, cos I was impressed and hoped, like Mandy we’d hear more from you. I’m not a very experienced poster myself and moderating a site is really new for me. Once a thread moves on it’s too easy for good stuff to get lost if the moderator doesn’t pick up on it.

    For anyone else who missed it here is Caney’s entry, one of our earliest and among the best.

    As a pollie Abbott was lazy
    His grasp of finance was hazy
    He’d go for a swim
    Slack off on a whim
    And most folks thought he was crazy

  21. Min, I hope you’ll forgive this plagiarism of your idea about Joe’s flab – somehow baloney and polony just wouldn’t leave my brain. So here goes, gratefully acknowledging Min for her originality!

    A sun loving pollie named Tony,
    Had a ‘budgie’ which was clearly too boney.
    Mate Joe’s gift of the gab
    Added lots of his flab
    So that ‘budgie’ now looks like a fat stick of Polony.

    MODERATOR’S NOTE: Overseas visitors unfamiliar with the Australian vernacular should not confuse ‘budgie’ – euphemism for private parts – with the word ‘budget’ which would normally refer to national accounts.

  22. There once was a fellow named Abbott
    Whose lies were a long ingrained habit.
    When asked to explain,
    With a laugh quite insane,
    He said, “It’s just fine on my planet!”

  23. The bogan we know as Mad Monk

    Whose mental condition had sunk

    When asked why his voice

    Was thin like a boy’s

    He replied, “My budgies have shrunk.”

  24. There once was a man called Joe
    Who ate his pies on the go
    When he choked on a kidney
    This side of Sydney
    And was buried along with the dough.

  25. I doubt very much that anyone could come up with a limerick as bad as my last one. 😦

    But in order top win some fans back I’d like to take the opportunity to post my two favourites limericks of all time. Here’s the runner-up:

    A brave little hunter called Blake
    Fell into a tropical lake
    Being on the equator
    Where a large alligator
    Gobbled him up like a steak.

    And now to my clear favourite. I know we’re a family-friendly blog site, but I also know we’re all adults so I’m sure you’ll allow me to post the following gem:

    There once was a man from Kent
    Whose cock was incredibly bent
    So to save any trouble
    He’d stick it in double
    But instead of coming . . . he went.

    :mrgreen:

  26. Good stuff Caney. I’m brain dead at the moment. I’ll try to make this funny later.

    Tony Abbott is fanatical
    His loyalty monarchical
    Aussies think this bloke
    Is nothing but a joke
    Electing him as PM would be farcical

    I keep coming up with ‘farce’ and have to find ways to avoid that obvious rhyme…….

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